I read a quote recently that said “Don’t tell God how big your problems are. Tell your problems how big God is.” One of the first things you notice at the Hogar Rafael Ayau orphanage in Guatemala are the words “Big is God.” Sometimes you see it on t-shirts that the kids are wearing, and sometimes you see it painted on doors in bright colors. The significance of this little phrase is found not only in the changed lives of the children who live there, but also in the changed lives of thousands of people who have met those children and heard their stories.

There is no bigger problem than nearly 150 million orphans living in the world, many who have endured terrible and unspeakable things. It’s a problem too big for any of us to handle physically, emotionally, spiritually, individually, or collectively. The only one big enough to carry that burden is God. Just how big is He? Big enough to use the least among us to show the greatest miracles.  Big enough to take the once forgotten and make them forever remembered. Big enough to take something so neglected and broken and make it even more complete than it ever was. I’ve met and played with each of these little miracles, laughed with them and cried with them. They continue to change my life along with countless others, and every day they show just how big God really is.

I hope you enjoy reading this journal and seeing the pictures. It is really a story about God, told by children with me taking notes for a few days. It is a continuation and a to be continued; a window for looking back and a doorway for continuing ahead. How the story continues is up to God. Maybe I’m a part of it or maybe you’re a part of it. Whatever the case may be, it’s a story that needs to be told and a story that needs to be heard.

Thanks for reading, and feel free to leave comments and look at the other links on the right. Don’t forget to check out More Pictures to see photos of everything I couldn’t fit into the journal, along with photos from my teammates!

This evening we went to church for evening prayers and it was our first time seeing the children. I walked in and could hear many of the kids whispering my name to get my attention so they could wave hello. I was so happy to be back. As soon as they started singing the hymns, I felt that joy and peace I’ve been waiting all year for. I don’t know what heaven is like, but I imagine it to be a lot like the sound of children singing songs to God at the top of their lungs from the bottom of their hearts. At dinner I was swarmed by kids giving me hugs and high fives. It was so great to see them all again and I can’t wait to start catching up. Glory be to God for giving me the opportunity to be here again!

After lunch we all watched the second to last World Cup game of Germany vs. Uruguay. Mother Ivonne, who is German, had her German flag hanging up and was wearing her Germany gear over her black habit. It was a fun time and the kids were so into the game, oohing and awing, cheering and grumbling with every play.

Afterward, we had time to hang out and play outside and had so much fun. I spent about an hour chatting with Gloria, one of the teenagers, and she was able to practice her English while I practiced my Spanish. While we were chatting, Kevin, who I am very close to from last summer, came over and just plopped down in my lap and stayed there most of the afternoon. Kevin has a cleft palette and isn’t able to talk, but he can make sounds. I’ve spent so much time with him that I’ve learned how to understand his special language. Kevin has 2 older sisters, but they were placed in another orphanage a few months ago. I was also close to them from last year and was sad that I couldn’t see them this year. I was most sad for Kevin though. What little he had of a family is now gone and I can’t imagine what that is like. It’s not something a 7 year old should have to deal with. While we were sitting and playing together he pulled my head next to his with his hand and gave me a kiss on the cheek. For a moment, it was as if time was standing still and everything else in the world had disappeared. It left me completely content, and yet as I write this, I can’t help but feel heartbroken to realize that in a few days, I too will have to leave him. There is nothing I can do to change that, and I suppose my only comfort is knowing that there is also nothing that can take away this time we have together and the special bond that we share.

Photo by Chrissy

Mother Ines and Mother Maria also came this morning and I was so happy to finally meet Mother Ines, who is the abbess of the monastery. There is no good way to describe her except to say that she just radiates with the love of God. She loves the children so much. It was wonderful to see Mother Maria again and after she embraced me with a warm hug, she looked me over and said, “You’re too thin. You’re not eating enough of your abuela’s (grandmother’s) food!” She has such a great sense of humor and is so fun to be around.

The highlight of the day was the final game of the World Cup between Spain and the Netherlands. Last night after church Mother Ivonne was telling the children that it was important not to rush through church because of the game. “So many people put everything else before God. TV, movies, everything until finally there is no room left for God. That’s why the world is this way. So we don’t rush. First God, then futbol.” It was so much fun to watch the kids as they each cheered for their favorite team. Since it was a special day, they were treated to Domino’s Pizza and hot dogs and got to eat lunch in front of the TV. After an intense game, Spain finally scored the winning goal in double overtime and the victory celebration began.

The whole room erupted into one giant ice cream-fueled dance party. The nuns even joined in briefly and it was one of those moments that you wish you could just capture and keep forever. We danced to the same 4 songs for well over an hour and I think Shakira’s Waka Waka song is permanently stuck in my head. For that short moment, it didn’t matter what was happening in the rest of the world. The past didn’t matter and the future didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that we were having fun together as one big family. I can’t imagine anything else in the world that I would have had more fun doing.

Fiesta de bailando con los niños:

Me with Jorge and Elmer

Me and Kevin

Fr. John showing the kids how the prosforo is prepared for communion

Since I’ve done this program before, I was blessed with some of the most difficult children and it took all of my energy to keep track of them. I’m thankful to have Gina as my partner and I think we make a great team. We have a total of 9 children and all but 3 are under 10 years old. The 5 and 6 year old boys are really hard to keep on task and they like to run off sometimes or get into everything except what they are supposed to be doing. We also have two sisters, Gaby and Belia who are about 4 and 5 and they are quite a handful. Gaby has a lot of sass for a 4 year old but is so fun to be around. Her sister Belia is so sweet but is hard to keep on task. If the kids weren’t so adorable we’d probably be pulling our hair out already. During our cookie making, Gina and I had to keep taking turns picking up Gaby because she is too little to reach the table top to stamp out her cookies.

Belia and her sister Gaby

The next station was swimming which was a nice break for Gina and me because 5 of our kids are too little to swim, so we put them in the game room with another group while we watched the older kids in the pool. We ended up having a mini soccer game outside of the pool with beach balls and it was so much fun, despite the stubbed toe.

Our last station was arts and crafts where we made icon Christmas ornaments. It was very chaotic and no matter how hard you try to plan out each step of a craft, they find some way to do their own steps. At one point we were finishing up the cutting out stage (aka step one) and I looked over to see Alexander, one of our mischievous boys, painting his project with his own special blend of glue, red and gold paint, and glitter. I just decided to let him do his thing.

After lunch we gave presentations about ourselves to the children. Since they all know me, I started out by introducing myself as Steven Jonas (they are crazy about the Jonas brothers) and I told them that I was 100 years old. We all have fun teasing each other and I was telling them that my last name is “Shippy” not “Chippy” as some of them so affectionately call me. So now they all joke around and call me “SHHHHippy” and they think it’s so funny. The little ones are even starting to say it which is hilarious. The teenage girls are probably the most entertaining though. They’ll shout “Shippy!” and when I look over they all start giggling or pretend like nobody said anything. Teenage girls are still teenage girls no matter where they live.

We ended our evening with one-on-one lessons from the older girls on how to make komboskinis. They are hard enough to learn in English, so to try learning in Spanish was incredibly hard. Rebecca was my teacher and it was nice getting to spend some time with her. She was dear to me long before I first came to the Hogar because one of my good friends, Luke, had fallen in love with her when she was little. I didn’t quite get the steps all nailed down but hopefully I can work on it more the rest of our time here.

Adrianna & Gaby                                     Kevin

We played soccer in the gym and that was craziness. Because there are leaks in the roof the floor tends to collect puddles every time it rains. There were kids flying face first into puddles and at one point Adrianna crashed pretty hard and laid on the ground for about 30 seconds. It didn’t look good. The game was still continuing and all of a sudden she pulls herself up, sees the ball coming toward her, and scores a goal. These are the toughest kids I’ve ever seen. Gina and I weren’t too keen on playing soccer on the wet floors but since the nannies didn’t tell them to stop…game on!

Next was the bakery where we frosted our cookies from yesterday with our fingers and finished them off with sprinkles.

Arts and crafts went okay and it wasn’t nearly as messy as yesterday. After lunch we all watched Veggie Tales and it was a good time to bond with some of the kids. Elmer held my hand through most of the movie and the older girls were trying to help me with my komboskini.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in the park enjoying the clear skies until it was time for church. One of the difficult things about being here is when the kids say things like “Next year you can be in my group!” As much as I want to come back, I know that realistically I might not be able to. I will do my best to make every moment count so that I can take as much of them with me in my heart as I can when I leave. I don’t think it is possible that I could ever forget their smiles and all of the laughter that I hear all day long here.

Below is a video of the boys playing soccer, Alexander coming up and shouting something at me, and then attacking me at the end. A typical moment at the hogar.

The big event of the day was the first round of the Hogar World Cup soccer tournament. I was proud of my team for winning their game in order to be in the championship match.

My favorite part of the day was spending time with the littlest girls on the playground. We were having a total blast. It was me vs about 6 little girls and we would chase each other around and I was usually the one being caught. They would put me in jail “por siglos” (forever) and when I would fake cry they would let me out, I’d take off running, and we’d start all over again. It’s so much fun to scoop them up and hear them laugh.

Later we had more komboskini lessons with the teenage girls and I continue to be more and more impressed with them every day. They are generous, humble, patient, and always willing to help. There are some that would look at the way Mother Ivonne disciplines the kids and say that she is too tough on them. But when you see the fruits of tough love that is manifested in the teenage girls, you realize that she does everything for the benefit of the children. It might not be evident to the younger ones when they are being disciplined, but it s clearly evident in the lives of the teenagers, who whether they realize it or not, have learned to become like Christ through obedience. They have no doubt made an impression on a countless number of people and I feel privileged to be one of them.

Photo by Larissa

Our last order of business for the evening was to go to the Hogar gift shop. I was happy to see a few of our crafts from last year for sale. I bought a book of the Divine Liturgy in English/Spanish so I could learn a little more church lingo and I bought 3 komboskinis. They were made by three of the girls who are no longer here. It’s a way to remind myself that they need prayers more than the children who are here. It is difficult to see several of the kids gone from here. You spend an entire year in anticipation just waiting to see them and hug them, hear them laugh and see them smile. I know that they are safe here, but outside of these walls I don’t know what their lives are like. I don’t know if they are still smiling and laughing every day. I don’t know if they are safe or if they are happy. That’s a hard thing to deal with when you’ve heard a little about life outside the Hogar. All I can do is pray for them.

Photo by Larissa

A special moment was holding Rene, who is about 13. He has a type of Palsy and isn’t able to talk or maneuver well, but he knows you’re there and it was so peaceful to just hold him in the water and try and stimulate him by moving him around and trying to get him to interact.

As always, the little ones were adorable and today we had the little boys with us. For many of them it was their first time at the hot pools. It was awesome to see them splashing and playing and just having a total blast.

After a few hours at the pools we headed to Pollo Campero for the feast of feasts! Pollo Campero is the KFC of Guatemala and they were eating like it was the last meal they were ever going to have. I’m certain that a few of them ate their body weight in fried chicken and yet they all found room for dessert—giant donuts! There aren’t many things more entertaining than tiny children eating giant messy food. Totally hilarious.

I spent most of the 30 minute bus ride back playing thumb wars with Belia, one of the little girls from my group. She has the greatest laugh and it was definitely a highlight of my day. It struck me that we had just spent the past four hours swimming at a fancy pool and eating a special meal, and yet here we were, laughing just as loud and having just as much fun playing thumb wars over and over on an old school bus. The more time I spend with the children, the more I learn that material things will never make me happy.

One of the things that is so amazing about the orphanage is that they are taught to be charitable no matter how much or how little they have. The old clothes that the children no longer wear are taken to the children and families who live at the trash dump. It’s one of the realities about Guatemala that is really hard to swallow. For those who live there, every hour is a struggle to stay alive and for most there is little or no hope for a life that is anything more than a heap of garbage, the scraps of waste that the rest of us no longer want that have become their only possessions. How do I deal with that as a fellow human being? We’re all made of the same flesh and bone, and they don’t deserve their poverty any more than I deserve my wealth. We are led to believe that there is hope in this life, but deep in our hearts we know that there is no hope for a child living in garbage, along with millions of others around the world in similar or worse conditions. The only hope is to be found in God’s promise that on that final day, the first shall be last and the last shall be first.

Since today was our last day of El Tren de Chocolate, things were a little chaotic and the kids were all a little bit “electric” as Mother Ivonne would say.

Here is a video of my little ones dancing to El Tren de Chocolate. So funny.

I played Candy Land with Alexander during the games station and then a game of catch with Adrianna. For a brief moment, I caught a glimpse of parenthood as I showed her how to hold her baseball glove and for a moment I forgot that I was in Guatemala at an orphanage for a few days. For a moment, I was teaching my little girl how to catch a baseball just like my dad taught me when I was her age. It’s moments like these where I know that it is something more that just an activity at a summer camp to pass the time. It’s a moment that this cruel world took from her and for a few minutes she got it back.

In the gym our group was practicing and preparing for the championship game of the Hogar World Cup later in the afternoon where we would play against San Marcos for the title. Since we have little ones in our group who can’t play, I had to entertain them somehow. I did the same few magic tricks over and over and it was enough to keep them occupied for an hour. There wasn’t much for the kids to do in the bakery so it was a struggle for Gina and me to keep them from getting too wild. Our final stop on El Tren was arts and crafts, which ended up being a free-for-all. The kids made whatever they wanted, and as long as we could get through the last station without any major hiccups everything was fine and well.

After lunch the children had a special treat of their own—birthday cake for Fr. John! They all sang happy birthday and God grant you many years and Fr. John was just beaming. We are so blessed to have him as our team leader and spiritual leader and we learn so much from him by watching him interact with the kids, as well as during our evening discussions as a team at the end of the day. I am so glad we get to share in this special day with him in this wonderful place. May God grant him many more years—hopefully right here!

After the birthday celebration we headed to the gym for the main event—the championship soccer tournament. I was incredibly nervous, but not for the reasons you might expect. Sure, I had a title to defend from last year and I wanted my kiddos to win, but the real reason I was nervous? I had to be the referee! Fr. John was leaving after the first game and somehow Madre Ivonne decided I was the next most suitable ref for the final Championship game. Maybe she didn’t realize that everything I know about soccer I learned at an orphanage in Mexico, a summer camp in Romania, and right here in Guatemala. In other words, I know nothing. In her worldly days, Mother Ivonne played pro soccer, which was enough to scare the bees out of me. Add to the mix 60 miniature soccer fanatics who play daily and know every written and unwritten rule and I was terrified. I’ve seen this event before. I remember the enthusiasm. I remember the determination. I remember the injuries. I remember the tears. Oh please don’t let there be any tears. The coin toss. The whistle blow. And here we go! For 15 minutes I pretended like I knew what I was doing, and thankfully, the kids are so self-governing that I didn’t have to do very much.

San Lucas!

At one point I had to give a yellow card to one of my own kids for hitting the roof of the gym with the ball. A second time meant an ejection from the game. It sounds harsh, but a damaged roof means puddles on the gym floor which means no using the gym. Mother Ivonne is so good at teaching consequences to the kids and this was one of those opportunities. My kids were doing so great and the game was definitely a nail biter. The previous match went into double overtime and culminated in a shoot out and we were all hoping for another dramatic adrenaline-fueled finale. Alas, San Marcos scored a few last minute goals to pull ahead for a 5-3 win. I wanted my team to win, but I was just glad it was over. An hour and a half of intense soccer without a single tear. No injuries and no children or disgruntled fans yelling at me for a bad call. Thank you God!

After the awards ceremony we had our open house to show off all of the arts and crafts that we made during the week. It was a proud moment for Yvonne, Paula, and me since we were the arts and crafts coordinators. Things didn’t go exactly as planned with the projects, but the important thing is that we had that special time to bond with the kids and spark the creativity inside each of them to express their individual personalities and to learn to think outside of the box.

We had some free time to play outside and wanted to take advantage of the clear skies, so a few of us on the team went to play with a group of mostly older girls on the playground. We played tag for about an hour and then had fun making human knots. I’m always amazed at how simple life can be sometimes. Here we were, a group of kids and adults from diverse backgrounds, playing a simple game that didn’t involve anything but one another. Our laughter could be heard throughout the orphanage, and probably beyond. The game was like a little reflection of our purpose during our time together. Our lives had all collided and we each carried with us the things that tangle our existence in this mess of a world that we have found ourselves in. But with a little patience, a little teamwork, and a lot of love and laughter we were able to turn our human knot into a circle of friends, accomplished without ever having to let go of each others’ hands. Just maybe, life really is that simple.

We had moved to the gym and had just begun a game of dodge ball when Mother Ivonne told us that we needed to go to bed. It was only 7:00. We had also planned to do our usual team get-together/meeting and then prayers as a team the next morning, even in the absence of Fr. John, who was staying the night at the monastery. Mother Ivonne told us we couldn’t do either. I’m sure it would seem a little strange to the outsider. One of the things I’ve learned from being at the hogar and more specifically, being in a monastic community, is that the nuns have a reason for everything they do whether the kids (or mission teams) understand it or not. Obedience is a way of life for monastics because it is disobedience to God that has brought on the evils of the world that we see every day—the evils that have caused most of these children to be at the hogar in the first place. We all have something to learn by being obedient. Mother Ivonne knew that we were all completely exhausted, as much as we wanted to pretend like we weren’t. We knew our time with the children was dwindling and we just wanted to play. But in her wisdom and knowing what lied ahead of us in the coming days, she knew we just needed to go rest. She could tell we were wondering why we couldn’t have prayers together early in the morning and she simply said, “It’s okay. I’m the monastic here. Rest and take care of yourselves.” So that’s what we did. Maybe we didn’t want to, but we all knew that we needed to. We were obedient, and sometimes we have to remember that as any good child can tell you, Mother knows best.

We left in the morning for the monastery and site of the new orphanage. I was looking forward to seeing the progress and getting to spend some time with Mother Ines, who is the abbess of the monastery. I was disappointed to see that very little work has been done with the construction of the new orphanage since last year because of the lack of funds. God willing, they will receive the money they need to finish. I know it will happen, I just hope it happens soon. The children are currently living in a neighborhood where prostitution is legal, and alive and well just outside their doors. They deserve more than the violence, drugs, filth, and corruption that surrounds them. No one deserves that, least of all innocent children.

Construction of the new orphanage

View of lake Amatitlan from the terrace of the orphanage

View from inside the orphanage

View from inside the orphanage

Mother Ines told us a little bit about the change in adoption laws in Guatemala which have essentially stopped all international adoptions, and what that means for orphanages. She told us about the many threats they receive from the government to sign papers that would affect the orphanage and how they refuse to sign anything that isn’t in the best interest of the children. The amazing thing is that these nuns never asked for this orphanage and these children. “When we were first asked to take the children in 1996 we saw the terrible conditions they were living in. Most of them had scabies and we had to burn all of their clothes. We tried to save some things but it was impossible. There were about 170 children. We couldn’t say no. We can’t say no.” She explained how because of the pressure that they are receiving from the government, they will simply stop calling it an orphanage and call it a boarding school instead. As the construction of the new orphanage progresses, she tells us how they are making plans for many more children that they anticipate the government will dump on them. “We build rooms and spaces that can be used for many different things. There is a good chance we will be asked to take in more children and so we are preparing for that. It is not possible for us to say no.”

After the orphanage tour we headed to the monastery, which is a little piece of heaven on earth. The nuns receive a lot of criticism because the new monastery church is such a beautiful and expensive building. “People say, ‘look at these nuns and how they spend their money on their beautiful church instead of the children.’” What they don’t realize is that their monastery was built with their own inheritance and donations of generous people who realize the importance of having this spiritual hospital in such a broken country. Not one penny of the orphanage goes to the monastery. Their monastery has been their home for almost 25 years, long before they started caring for the children at the orphanage. They all have particular talents that they use to support the monastery. Mother Ivonne for example is a skilled biologist who creates a small line of natural medicines that she sells. She has successfully treated cancer patients and 6 HIV patients, along with a host of other ailments from people who come to them seeking spiritual and physical healing. She has a small lab at the current orphanage that she rents for $100 a month. Can you imagine that? She rents a space in her own home. But that’s not the amazing thing. What blows me away is that they don’t feel the need to defend themselves to their critics. “People criticize us and we give it to God. They criticize without knowing and one day they will have to face God for the terrible things they say.”

I was so happy to see that the iconography inside the monastery church was complete. It is stunning. There are no photos that could come close to doing it justice. We sang a few hymns from memory and the sound of our voices rising high above the domed ceiling toward the icon of Christ the Pantocrator was beautiful and humbling. I didn’t want it to end. I could stay there for hours looking at the larger than life icons of the saints that surrounded me. The story of man’s salvation—the story of my salvation—was pictured all around me, and for the first time in my life, it made more sense than it ever has. The monastery is what every church is intended to be: a little heaven on earth; a reflection of the heavenly kingdom that we look toward and one day hope to be a part of. I don’t like leaving because every step further out the door is a step toward a world that tries to keep me away from that heavenly place.

All good things must come to an end and we left the monastery for our first meal out at a place called Kacao, an upscale restaurant shaped like a giant hut featuring traditional Guatemalan cuisine. I had “Lasagna Mayan” which was incredible. It was made with corn tortillas, cheese, shredded chicken, and the sweetest tomatoes I’ve ever tasted. It was nice to spend the evening with the team and relax a little. Good food, good company. What more could you ask for?

When we got back to the hogar, we had a big night ahead of us. Fr. John, Deacon Mark, and I got to work cutting down our giant PVC pipe with hand saws. The girls were mentally preparing for the arm workout that was to come. After dinner we had about 15 minutes to prepare our surprise for the kids. Peel, slice, scoop drizzle. A little more duct tape over here please. Scoop, drizzle, sprinkle, plop. Plop plop plop. Lights out. Cue the song. Shh!!! Whisper whisper, “Don’t touch the table!” Lights on…gasp!…..and thus commenced the greatest dessert moment in hogar history. Our 27 foot banana split masterpiece, shining in all of it’s melty sugary glory. Piles of bananas, 4 gallons of Neapolitan ice cream, 2 pounds of chocolate syrup, 2 cans of whipped cream, pink and purple sprinkles, and 100 maraschino cherries to top it all off. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. The kids grabbed their spoons and attacked with full force. It was gone in no time.

What could you possibly consider doing after consuming 27 feet of ice cream you ask? Dance party of course! And so once again, we Waka-Waka’d the night away to the same 4 songs from the World Cup soundtrack. Mother Ivonne was more than happy to let them dance their hearts out, as it was the easiest and most effective way for them to shake out all of the sugar from their systems before bedtime. And so we danced until the stars came out and the brain freezes went away. It was another perfect day at the hogar and the children wished us a goodnight with the sweetest (and stickiest) hugs and smiles we’ve seen yet.

Below is a video of Belia dancing with me. She has the greatest laugh in the world.